What they don’t tell you about depression is that it fucking hurts. They say you feel nothing, that you no longer care but it’s the pain of no longer caring that hurts. And sometimes you don’t feel this for a while which is fucking great but then you start staying up till 6am and only getting 3 hours of sleep when you’re usually in a deep sleep by 10. It’s the feeling of knowing its slowly coming back that you feel in the early hours of the morning. You mistake it for your anxiety but deep down you know it’s a different feeling. And then it fucking explodes. The littlest things sets it off and you’re punching walls and crying rivers because your back to square one, your depression has taken over. The sadness is too much and it floods back in waves and waves. And now I’m sitting on my bed staring at the wall, wondering when it’s going to leave and when I’ll have go through the whole thing again. I don’t know how much more my hands can take.